INSTRUCTIONS: Respond to the two discussions below.

2.1 Discussion Joy

I was once in relationship with someone whom I considered to be my best friend, and someone I leaned heavily on for emotional support, especially when my marriage was in a bad place.  She relied on me in a similar but different way, as she was very unhappy about the fact that she was in her mid 30s, hated her career, and did not have a marriage and children of her own. She spent almost all her time with me and my family. In some ways, she played the role of my spouse (because my marriage to my own spouse was suffering) and a second mother, or aunt) to my children. 

What I came to realize in this relationship (through therapy, praying, and reading the book, 
Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend) is that she and I had formed a bond out of mutual codependency with one another that was seemingly serving both of us in our moments of crisis or need; but, the dynamic was not helping either of us take hard looks at ourselves and our lives to realize how each of us were the main components to our own unhappiness. The more therapy and praying for discernment that I did, the more I realized that I was being called to establish some firm boundaries with this friend so that I could focus on taking accountability for the things in my own life that weren’t going well, as opposed to inviting her into every part of my life so I could fill the voids of my own discontentment and actively avoid dealing with my issues.   

I responded to this nudging from the Holy Spirit through surrender. For so long I felt in my heart that the dynamics of this relationship were unhealthy – even though the interactions oftentimes felt good for fleeting moments (likely because I didn’t have to think of the difficulties of my circumstances and if I did, I could just complain about them, which also felt good). I was also very much a people pleaser and conflict terrified me because at the root I didn’t want to be abandoned by the person with whom I was in relationship, nor did I want to hurt or upset the other person – codependent much? Lol. I knew the Holy Spirit was nudging me to address this situation with her one-on-one. I initiated some hard conversations with her (which made me sick to my stomach with anxiety), in attempts to establish boundaries of time and space with her and to start a new dynamic in our friendship. 

These conversations did not always go the way in which I hoped they would and ultimately, after multiple conversations and the passing of time, she and I are no longer acquainted. Through surrender, however, I stopped holding so tightly to the outcome of our relationship and all the ways I needed to do this or that to make sure that the relationship stayed intact. Surrendering helped me realize that by doing so, I could trust God to be in control of the outcome if I stayed in my integrity and was coming from a place of love in my interactions with her. I didn’t have to control and manage what happened to our relationship; I simply had to control what I could control, and she’d have to do the same (and her part was not my responsibility). For so long I was afraid of losing her, but I realized that by behaving the way I was in relationship with her, I was behaving out of fear and not love, nor was I honoring my own heart, peace, and precious energy or the health of my relationship with her. I’d always thought boundaries were mean and heartless, when in fact, they can be the most honoring act of love. I needed to change my own behavior in relationship with her so I could honor me, her, and us. “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing” (Cloud & Townsend, 2017).  

I could have continued operating from fear and conforming to the status quo of our relationship, but that would have snowballed our already unhealthy dynamic and I could see the freight train lights coming through the tunnel. So, I had to make the change. My actions were further substantiated through the words of the Apostle Paul in God’s Word, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (ESV, 2008, Romans 12:2).

References

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. S. (2017). 
Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no to take control of your life. Zondervan.

Bible gateway passage: John 14:6, Luke 12:7, Proverbs 3:5-6, – English standard version. Bible Gateway. (2016).
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+14%3A6&version=ESV

2.2 Discussion Cing

  “Harvard University Psychiatrist Robert Coles has noted that adolescence has commanded more attention than any other period of life from, novelists, social scientists, and journalist. Oxford English Dictionary defines adolescence as the process or condition of growing up, the period between childhood and maturity. (Austrian, 2008, p. 133).  During this period, individuals are experiencing a lot of changes. They change physically, socially, and mentally. The problem is in they are confused everything, so if there is no proper guidance withing the transition, they might lose themselves. This is why it is important to use positive psychology in guiding and raising adolescences.

  Sheldon & King states, “Positive Psychology is nothing more than the scientific study of ordinary human’s strength and virtues. Positive psychology revisits the average person with an interest in finding out what works, what is right and what is improving” (2001). I believe when transitioning from childhood to adolescence, we often forget that adolescence is in search of identity and strength. With positive psychology, not only we can guide them positive thinking, but it can also help built up gratitude as they observe their surrounding positively. They just need someone who can understand, who allowed them to talk through their new experiences and most importantly they need someone who can guide them. 

  I understand that positive psychology is all about being grateful, having positive mindset. But I feel like positive psychology might not work in applying to traumatic kids. I say kids because, if during childhood a trauma is not heal, it will likely continue even in adolescence. If a child grew up in an abusive environment, there is no way that child can accept the idea of positive outlook. Adolescence with unhealed traumas should be taught about design thinking instead of positive psychology. “Design thinking is about believing we can make a difference and having an intentional process in order to get to new, relevant solutions that create positive impact” (
Using Design Thinking to Craft Your Career: An Introduction, n.d.). Design thinking not only will teach them about how to be positive, but also give a sense of control over their trauma. Once they feel a sense of control over their trauma, they will have a sense of power to overcome it be healed.  

  My first choice of specialization was life coaching, but I realized that working place need more caring. That is why I switched to I/O psychology. I have witnessed many people being unhappy at their workplace, many men killing themselves from stress over work. I feel like I am willing to hear those stress, or anything relating to job. 

References

Sheldon, K. M., & King, L. (2001). Why positive psychology is necessary. 
American psychologist, 
56(3), 216.   

Sonia G. Austrian. (2008). 
Developmental Theories Through the Life Cycle: Vol. 2nd ed. Columbia University Press. 

Using Design Thinking to Craft Your Career: An Introduction. (n.d.). The Bamboo Project. 

https://www.michelemmartin.com/thebambooprojectblog/2014/07/using-design-thinking-to-craft-your-career-an-introduction.html